Tuesday You Start Menopause (The Cancer Trip)

I've seen it happen to so many, including loved ones in the course of my life; why shouldn't it happen to me, except for a false sense of security? Namely that in eating right, exercising often, and drinking little I'm immune. I dutifully visit my doctor each year. So why did cancer happen to me?

It was the annual PSA that signaled there was a problem. I've heard of readings in the hundreds, so I assumed that with a 6.73 all was well, especially since the Mayo Clinic designates 6.50 as normal for a man my age. It wasn't. Even with a slightly elevated number the cancer turned out to be the aggressive kind, versus the more benign version in 90% of cases. And it had already spread.

When I whined to my urologist that there was nothing about my lifestyle to warrant a cancer diagnosis, that in a sense there was nothing there to reform, he assured me that cancer isn't a sin disease; that it comes down to dumb luck, and that I didn't win the lottery. My oncologist echoed that sentiment in characterizing the disease as wily, and random. She told of women marathoners at the peak of their careers who ended up with breast and other kinds of cancer.

A diagnosis like it is always unsettling. For thousands of years humans have been aware of the disease, though it's been around for millions of years. The dinosaurs had cancer, and now me. For the thousands of years humans have known of it, it was a diagnosis tantamount to a death sentence.

That's not a sentiment easy to undo, particularly when you hear the word metastasis. At the same time I've been told repeatedly that I couldn't have received the news at a better time. While I've been busy acclimating myself to the idea of my own mortality, the doctors have been busy being upbeat, assuring me that there are new tools, ones they didn't have even five years ago; tools that make it possible to beat it, including metastatic prostate cancer.

Time will tell. In the meantime I'm left with hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms that accompany hormone treatments. There's daily radiation therapy as well which comes with its own side effects. In fact the number of hoops you need to jump through, a whole string of procedures, is daunting, though manageable.

The experience has been a trip, an adventure really, no matter what happens in time. The technology is impressive; the medical advances very space age. Then there's the medical staff, doctors, nurses, and techs, who've devoted their careers to saving others' lives. They're beyond impressive; so likeable, and saintly in their way.

In a sense getting a cancer diagnosis is as surreal as a drug trip, or like Alice's looking glass opening on a strange world. I'm grateful for the support I've received from the medical staff, but especially from family and friends who were kind enough to keep a confidence when I wasn't ready to talk about any of this. I'm hopeful the doctors are right when the say they can beat it. The key is to get tested regularly in order to discover things early.